Parenting groups are often a lifeline for new parents, but there seems to be a striking difference between how Dad and Mum groups function. Observing Dad groups, many find them relaxed, welcoming, and supportive, especially towards inexperienced fathers. On the other hand, Mum groups sometimes resemble battlegrounds, where a simple comment can escalate into a heated exchange. So, what drives these differences, and why are Dad groups typically more laid-back?

Firstly, it’s suggested that men approach social gatherings with a lighter attitude. They often attend Dad groups out of curiosity but aren’t as invested emotionally. This detached approach could explain why Dad groups feel less intense. In contrast, many women invest deeply in their interactions and group dynamics. As a result, the stakes feel higher in Mum groups, making it more likely for misunderstandings to spark tension.

A deeper societal factor also comes into play. Traditionally, men have been socialised to suppress their emotions and vulnerability. When they do express feelings, they’re often unsure of how to be supportive. This lack of emotional practice might contribute to men taking a more relaxed, less confrontational stance in support groups. As one contributor mentioned, vulnerability can feel intimidating for men, particularly if they’ve been conditioned to hide their emotions. The paradox here is that the very lack of emotional engagement, which may be seen as a shortcoming, also creates an atmosphere of casual camaraderie in Dad groups.

Some argue that this difference also lies in the structure of social interaction. Women tend to converse face-to-face, engaging deeply and focusing on personal connections, which may heighten the emotional intensity of discussions. In contrast, men often interact side-by-side, focusing on a shared external activity such as watching sports. This more passive style of communication allows them to bond without the intensity of face-to-face confrontation, leading to less drama in Dad groups.

Interestingly, even when Dad groups are formed, maintaining momentum can be a challenge. One user recounted an experience of facilitating a Dad support group that started with several members but dwindled quickly to just a few attendees. This points to another potential difference: men might not feel the same need for consistent emotional support networks, or they may lose interest quickly when the group doesn’t offer the immediate value they seek.

This isn’t to say that all men are disengaged or uninterested in support. Many fathers do benefit from the sense of brotherhood that these groups foster, offering a rare space where they can share experiences without judgement. However, it seems the casual, no-pressure nature of these groups is precisely what makes them appealing.

Another important factor is the cultural perception of gender roles. Women are often seen as the primary caregivers and, by extension, are expected to take parenting very seriously. This societal pressure could explain why Mum groups sometimes become more intense. Mothers might feel the weight of expectations—whether it’s about parenting choices or general life balance—which makes any criticism, real or perceived, hit harder.

Dad groups, on the other hand, tend to focus on shared experiences, often without the expectation of constant emotional support. For some, the simple act of being in a relaxed, judgement-free space is enough to create a sense of belonging.

The discrepancy between Dad and Mum groups raises interesting questions about societal expectations, emotional engagement, and the role of support networks. While Mum groups can offer incredible advice and emotional backing, the perceived intensity might deter some from fully engaging. On the flip side, Dad groups, with their laid-back approach, offer a different kind of support—one based on camaraderie, shared experiences, and, most importantly, low stakes.

It’s clear that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to parental support groups. Both Mum and Dad groups serve vital roles, but their dynamics are shaped by the way men and women have been socialised to interact. By understanding these differences, both fathers and mothers can better navigate these spaces, seeking the type of support that best suits their needs.