Survivor’s Guilt: ‘I Wish He Had Taken Me Instead’
On June 13, 2023, the city of Nottingham was shaken by a series of brutal attacks that left three people dead and three others seriously injured. The assailant, Valdo Calocane, a 33-year-old diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, embarked on a violent spree that has since raised serious questions about mental health care and public safety in the UK.

The Attack and Its Immediate Aftermath
In the early hours of that day, Calocane fatally stabbed two 19-year-old university students, Barnaby Webber and Grace O’Malley-Kumar, as they walked home from a night out. He then killed 65-year-old school caretaker Ian Coates, stealing his van and using it to run over three pedestrians: Sharon Miller, Wayne Birkett, and Marcin Gawronski. All three survived but sustained severe injuries. Calocane was eventually apprehended by police after being tasered.

Survivors’ Struggles and Emotional Turmoil
Sharon Miller, a 46-year-old cleaner, was on her way to work when she was struck by the van. She has since been unable to return to work and suffers from severe anxiety and physical pain. In a heartfelt statement, she expressed profound survivor’s guilt: “I thought I was dying. I just wish he had taken me instead of the students.”
Wayne Birkett, 61, a former forklift driver, was also hit by the van and left in a coma. He has had to relearn basic skills such as reading and writing and continues to experience chronic pain and memory loss. Despite his ordeal, he considers himself “lucky” not to remember the attack, stating, “I feel lucky because the other two people he ran over saw what happened. He hit me from behind. I don’t remember it.”
Legal Proceedings and Public Outcry
Calocane pleaded guilty to three counts of manslaughter by diminished responsibility and three counts of attempted murder. He was sentenced to an indefinite hospital order in a high-security psychiatric facility. This outcome has been met with outrage from victims’ families and the public, who argue that justice has not been served. Emma Webber, mother of Barnaby Webber, stated, “Justice not served,” reflecting the sentiment that Calocane’s mental health diagnosis should not absolve him of full accountability.
Systemic Failures in Mental Health Care
Investigations into Calocane’s history revealed a series of missed opportunities by mental health services. Despite multiple hospitalizations and a clear diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia, Calocane was discharged from care in September 2022, even though he had ceased taking his medication and exhibited aggressive behavior. A Care Quality Commission (CQC) report highlighted “a series of errors and misjudgments” in his care, concluding that “the risk he presented to the public was not managed well.”
Calls for Accountability and Reform
The families of the victims have been vocal in demanding accountability from both mental health services and law enforcement. They argue that systemic failures contributed to the tragedy and have called for a public inquiry to prevent similar incidents in the future. In response, the government has appointed former senior circuit judge Her Honour Deborah Taylor to chair a statutory inquiry into the attacks, with the aim of providing recommendations to prevent such events from recurring.
The Nottingham attacks have left a lasting scar on the community and highlighted significant shortcomings in the UK’s mental health care system. Survivors like Sharon Miller and Wayne Birkett continue to grapple with the physical and emotional aftermath, while families of the deceased seek justice and systemic change. The forthcoming public inquiry offers a glimmer of hope that lessons will be learned and that future tragedies can be averted.
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